she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
