come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am naked and annoyed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
