Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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