why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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