Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
