I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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