I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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