Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
