I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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