News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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