what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize