what day is it and did you see me today?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
