I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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