i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
