i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
