After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
