It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
