She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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