I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
