Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
