shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
