good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
