Your dad touched me again.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
