Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
