Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
