Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize