I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
