i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
