Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
