Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

they just did a mariachi cover of free bird

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(718): View more from New York

According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.

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(925): View more from California

She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...

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(231): View more from Michigan

Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...

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(616): View more from Michigan

You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed

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(772): View more from Florida

Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?

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