You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize