Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
