you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
