i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
