Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
