we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
