Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
