I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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