Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
