the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
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