I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
