I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
