dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
