Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
