he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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