The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize