I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize