She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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