I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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