I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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