once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
