if you like me you must not know who I am
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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