I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize