He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
