let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize