lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
