We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
