Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
