It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
