This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
