Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
