make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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