My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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