My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize