Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
