i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
