i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
