I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
