My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The air was thick with penises
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
