I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
