Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
