Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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