lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I got her a Nickelback box set.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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