So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
