Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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