The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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