forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
