I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
