I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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