Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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