i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
