is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
