We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
