swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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