Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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