Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
