it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
