A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize