Your tits are I can't wait for
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
