I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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